Only sometimes. I feel you by my side and I even manage to smell your perfume but… You always run away. You always hurt. And it’s always only sometimes and it’s never just a while to get lost again. Sometimes. I try to imagine what your fingers are doing now, what skin they will be kissing. But only sometimes. And turn on the laptop and type your name in that tab where it absurdly says „look for people, places and things”. How ironic! „People, places and things”. If Facebook knew.
And then, your face appears there, always in the foreground of my eyes. I caress the emptiness of what is no longer mine. I renounce my luck and sigh and pass your photographs. One after another. And I’m losing oxygen and my room is infected with the taste of not having you. Of toxic air. Of mist and rain and a city without you. It’s my bed then the one that misses you. But only sometimes.
For a few thousandths of a second, the sun and the sea merge over a false infinite and let it glimpse, wherever dreams can be reached, your name and my name after the pseudonym of Forever. A direct and ephemeral light, a beam of color full of a million shades and reflected and summarized in a single tone between blue and ocher.
Only a few have managed to see it. And there are still fewer who have managed to immortalize it through a naive camera lens.
Do you understand now why I remembered you?
(These things I only allow myself to think sometimes.